Friday, March 11, 2011

My hope springs eternal

Day 9

I am big on hope. My hope definitely springs eternal.

I am big on hope for many reasons. I have dedicated my work to helping people who can not always help themselves. Hope can be huge for people that have life struggles. Sometimes all one has is hope; hope can carry people during the lowest of lows. In thinking of the hardest times in my life, (we all have them, not just me) hope is what helped me make it through. Hope that the next day would be better, that the next week would bring brighter things, that by this time next year things will be so much better. The best thing about hope-it's 100% free, and you can have as much as you want.

However, sometimes having too much hope can make us lose touch with reality. For example, those size 3 jeans I still have in hopes of still fitting in them one day. Or spending expensive face cream I buy in hopes of still looking 18 when I am 40. Or the hope that one day I will win the lottery. Yup, lost in fantasy land is where hope takes me soemtimes. I am ok with this though...sometimes fantasy land feels way better than "no you can't fit into a size 3, you may have 40 year-old skin when you are 40, and you will always have to budget" reality land.

Other times, hope takes a step further, and spills over into anticipation and expectation. This is most apparent in my love of travel. I LOVE to travel. It is one of my favorite things. And one of the things I love most about traveling is the part before I leave; yes, you read correctly. I love the anticipation and expectations of a vacation, the build up of how great it will be, sometimes more than the actual vacation. The hope of how great it is going to be overshadows the actual fun. I am aware that this is totally my fault. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy being on vacation, and always have fun. But I always go through a cycle: being really excited in the weeks that lead up to the vacation, really excited when I get to the destination about all the fun things I'll be doing in the days there, and then before I know it, it is the day before we leave and the let down of going home sets in. I get glimpses of being in the moment of vacation, but not as much as I would like. And then when I get home, I begin to search for something else to anticipate, to look forward to, to hope about.

So, in my 30's, I would like to keep my hope. It is essential in life. And I hope that I can live in the moment more, especially when doing things I really look forward to. I expect to do better at this. And I hope it doesn't turn into one big ugly cycle of hoping, expecting and missing out on the good stuff. I hope it doesn't, but it might. My only hope is that I never lose hope.

About me:
1. I am a rightionist who is striving to wing it every once in a while.
2. I am inspired by others; I am on this earth to relate to others. I am a social worker.
3. I love stuff, until it turns to shit.
4. I am aware of extraordinary growth, even on ordinary days.
5. I embrace change, if it's my idea.
6. I am willing to commit to the smaller stuff; I will find strength in pain.
7. I have to find my own way. I have found my way to loving writing, and am on my way to loving myself.
8. I am a daughter, a girlfriend, a sister, a cousin and a best friend. I belong to a family.
9. My hope springs eternal.

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