I am a product of thinking

Day 18

Better today...still accepting of where I was yesterday.

Us social workers are big on the environment. I am not referring to being "green", but instead understanding how the environment impacts our behavior, beliefs, actions, decisions. I was thinking about this today, specifically how the environments I encounter help shape who I am.

I had a mid-twenties crisis when I was about 26. It was at that age that I got lost in stores. Now, this is pretty distressing for someone who likes stuff as much as I do. It was totally not anticipated, and came out of the blue. And, it was powerful-it stopped me from shopping for a while. So, here is what happened. I went to a department store, something like Kohl's or Macy's. I went to the juniors section, and had an epiphany. I was too old to shop there. I was too old to wear short shorts; the styles of the tops were too young; the patterns were too juvenile. I was stumped. I remember thinking, "Hmmm, maybe it's time to look at the other sections". This didn't go well. I walked over to the woman's section, and the made a straight beeline to the door.  I wasn't ready for the clothes in that section either! I was completely lost, but I wasn't alone. I started talking to other women my age, and realized there wasn't really places in department stores for late 20 somethings-it was 16 or 35, no gray area.

I could probably go on about how our culture is contributing to lack of identity, but it is not my intention to get all academic or political. But I think it is important for each of us, as women, as men, as young people, as middle age and older people, pay attention to the environment around us, and how it contributes to our own identity. As I approach 30, I am comfortable with where I shop in a store. But I am aware that I will have to switch sections again at some point, and I will probably take it personal. I will probably feel as if I need to change something about myself to fit in to the next socially acceptable compartment. But hopefully a little bit less than when I was 26 and lost in stores.

Conclusion 3: I am connected to everything around me, even something as small as feeling lost in a store. I am aware that while my environment has an influence over me, it is more important for me to influence my environment. Next time, I will just try a new store. Or, just make my own store for all the mid-twenties people out there. I don't have to fit into anyone's black and white box-I happen to like gray very much.

About me:
1. I am a rightionist who is striving to wing it every once in a while.
2. I am inspired by others; I am on this earth to relate to others. I am a social worker.
3. I love stuff, until it turns to shit.
4. I am aware of extraordinary growth, even on ordinary days.
5. I embrace change, if it's my idea.
6. I am willing to commit to the smaller stuff; I will find strength in pain.
7. I have to find my own way. I have found my way to loving writing, and am on my way to loving myself.
8. I am a daughter, a girlfriend, a sister, a cousin and a best friend. I belong to a family.
9. My hope springs eternal.
10. I am able to realize when it's time to simplify.
11. I have talents; I am an academic, an artist, and many other things yet discovered.
12. I immerse myself in words; I am a connoisseur of reading, writing and speaking.
13. I am a control freak searching for calm waters.
14. I am accepting of my nerdiness.
15. I am eternally learning.
16. I can't do this alone.
17. I am human.
18. I am a product of thinking about my environment
J